


and luckier

by commander_lexa



Series: winter and everything after [5]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Bittersweet, F/F, another dose of angst with a happy ending, just a short little fic cause i love these two, zoe has a bit of ptsd okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 19:14:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12732585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commander_lexa/pseuds/commander_lexa
Summary: She should have known that coming back from the dead would have its consequences.





	and luckier

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all and welcome back. Just a short little fic because I love pain and procrastinating. If you haven't read the other works in this series I suggest you do so, and keep an eye out for me because I have more coming. Thanks for reading everyone.
> 
> Title comes from a verse from Walt Whitman's A Song of Myself.
> 
> Enjoy.

She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe, she can’t breathe, she can’t breathe.

Zoë wakes with a start, shooting up into a sitting position and heaving in a violent breath of air. Hand to her chest, she counts the beats of her heart as she exhales. One two three four. It takes four seconds to remind her body that she is back in the land of the living.

Beside her, Artemis is up and alert in an instant. She doesn’t really sleep, Artemis, she just dozes, and now waits for Zoë to need her. Her right hand rests on Zoë’s shoulder, the other gripping the bed sheets with white knuckles. Zoë knows that the fear grips Artemis just as much as it does herself, but Artemis has always been the strong one. She says nothing, waiting until the other girl’s breath has once again turned normal. Zoë is thankful for this.

“Are you okay, my dear?” Artemis asks when she is sure Zoë is ready. The question comes after a couple agonizingly long minutes of silence.

Zoë nods, swallowing against her dry throat. “I’m fine,” she promises even though they both know she is not. This is the fifth night in a row that she has woken up this way, sputtering and gasping and not sure where she is. She never slept in Elysium, she just speant endless hours awake and wishing she were where she is now, but two weeks in and she still hasn’t adjusted. Her body isn’t used to being alive again. In fact, Zoë isn’t sure her body even wants to be alive again. It’s a frightening idea, because Zoe knows there is no way she will let herself be taken from Artemis again.

Artemis sighs but does not question her. She leans in to place a kiss beneath Zoë’s ear, against her jaw, on the tip of her nose. Each press of her lips lightens the weight on her chest just slightly. Hand still pressed to her erratic heart, Zoë exhales slowly, inhales deeply, and then repeats the action until she no longer has to think about it.

“Did you forget again?” Artemis wonders softly, nose nuzzled against Zoë’s cheek. She knows the answers to her questions but she asks anyways. “Did you forget how to breathe?”

Zoë nods, fear filling her at the admittance. “Yes,” she says in a breath, the whoosh of air past her lips a comforting reminder that she hasn’t forgotten in this moment. She grips at the skin of her chest, she can feel her heart beating but it isn’t enough.

Artemis reaches forwards to slip her hand beneath Zoë’s on the lieutenant’s chest. How are her hands always so warm? The touch is intimate, and for some reason it makes Zoë feel shy.

She looks away. “It’s nothing, really. It’s idiotic. How does one just forget to breathe?”

“It is not idiotic,” says Artemis quickly, waiting until Zoë looks back at her to continue speaking. “I forget to breathe sometimes as well.”

“But you do not need to breathe.”

Artemis nods. “Which makes it easier to forget.” She strokes Zoë’s cheek softly, a reminder that she is there. “When you were...gone,” Artemis continues, and there is a tightness in her voice that shakes Zoë a bit. Artemis has always been so strong. “When you were gone, I did not bother breathing. I used to always match my breath to yours, but without you, I felt as if there was no need.”

“Artemis...” Zoë begins, frowning.

“I am not telling this to make you sad, Zoë,” Artemis interrupts softly. “I am telling you because you died, you died and it was so hard to breathe. So it only makes sense that it is hard for you to breathe coming back. It is okay to take your time coming back. It is going to take time to readjust.”

Tears pool in the corner of Zoë’s eyes, threatening to fall. They spill over only when Zoë squeezes her eyes shut with a hitched breath. “What if I never remember?” she asks helplessly. “What if parts of me died down there?”

“Then we will build new parts until you feel whole again,” answers Artemis simply. “We have an eternity to rebuild. We can take all the time that you need.

Zoë exhales. “Artemis...”

“You are here, my love,” Artemis reminds as she has done for the past two weeks. “You are here, and we will get through this together. We will learn to breathe again together. You came back to me and I will never let you go, you understand that?” she questions gently. “You are alive, and you are not going anywhere.”

Zoë turns to rest her forehead against Artemis’s, eyes closed. “I am here,” she repeats, voice barely a whisper. Sometimes it is hard to remember that she made it back alive. Alive again. She can feel Artemis’s eyes on her but she does not move. The sit there for a while, and Zoë matches her breathing to Artemis’s forced and calculated inhales.

The sit there for what feels like a lifetime, Zoë in Artemis's arms, her breath quiet but measured. She counts her exhales before she speaks again. “I don’t want to think about it anymore,” says Zoë quietly.

Artemis nods. “Okay,” she replies, then Zoë leans in to kiss her, deep and passionate and mischievous. When she pulls away, both women are smirking. “Okay,” Artemis repeats, but this time her words are punctuated by the quick flipping of Zoë onto her back. Artemis straddles her hips. Zoë laughs.

Artemis pulls her close and Zoë cannot breathe for a whole different reason. This time she doesn’t mind.


End file.
